Hey guys... Just an fyi, my blog makes a lot more sense if you start reading it from the beginning.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The joy is just getting sucked right out of our friendship

I don't know if it's Seth's fault or mine. There's an awkwardness there that wasn't there before. I don't even know if he senses it. We'll be talking on the phone and he'll say something about Teresa, wanting to talk about her and I can't seem to make myself play it cool. Instead of saying something strange I listen silently, trying to be supportive, but inside thinking, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Pulleeeeeeeeaze shut up."

I think he thinks that means I don't like her. But I don't have an opinion of her at all, really. Other than - evil girl who is taking away the love of my freaking life. Other than that, I'm practically neutral. (Yeah, that is sarcasm.)

Sometimes I think I should just tell him. Listen, you idiot, I'm in love with you, so could we please NOT talk about how much you like your new girlfriend? Sometimes I think he knows already, except then how cruel would it be for him to know and then still constantly tell me about her? If he knows, and he's talking about her anyway, then he's a jerk, right? And I know he's not a jerk, so I guess that means he doesn't know.

But how could he not know? I'm not that good of an actress.

I don't know. It's so confusing.

I think I'm gonna start going to my home ward. It would be easier that way. I don't want to see them all back-scratching arms around each other at church. My heart needs time to get used to that particular mental picture.


He wants to do something with me on Saturday, but I don't know. Why bother.

I think I'm gonna let Lisa cut my hair.

Someday I'm gonna open up comments, and you're all gonna spank me, I know.