Hey guys... Just an fyi, my blog makes a lot more sense if you start reading it from the beginning.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I'm so cheesed off...

I'm feeling really bummed out right now.

Tonight, instead of being mysterious and captivating, I went to the dry cleaners, then to my sister's to drop something off, then went running. It was all very glamorous.

I was wrong, he didn't come over, which is probably for the best, given my fantastic mood. He called at 9:30, but I ignored him. I didn't answer his texts either.

I don't feel like playing games. I'm sick of games. I'm sick of all of it. I think having that moment on Saturday, and then the stress of having to act like it didn't even happen - like a NEAR-KISS didn't even happen - I'm just sick of it. It did happen, and he shouldn't be able to pretend it didn't.

I can see if he didn't want to talk about it for a day or so because he needed to figure out what to say or what to think about it, but to just pretend it didn't happen? Forever? Like we live in some alternate universe where he can wipe my memory banks and never mention it again? What sane person does that?

Oh, that's right - he does, and I go along with it.

I don't even want to talk to him right now.

Who am I kidding, I'm not even capable of talking to him about it if I wanted to. I'd never say what I wanted to say before the urge to make stupid jokes and run away overloaded my brain circuitry.

But if I were to write a pretend imaginary angry email, this is probably what it would say:


I don't know what kind of game you think you're playing with my head, but I'm sick of it. You practically kissed me on Saturday. You know it and I know it. Are we just supposed to pretend that didn't happen?

I thought, silly me, that we would eventually talk about it. But you keep acting like everything is perfectly normal. NEARLY KISSING ME IS NOT NORMAL. THAT IS NOT NORMAL. THAT IS NOT WHAT WE DO. If that is what we do, then I did not get the memo. If that is what we do, please advise at your earliest freaking opportunity, because I am getting severely ripped off kissing-wise.

When you didn't mention it on Sunday, I figured it was because you needed to sort it out in your head first or something. When you didn't mention it on Monday, I figured you were still thinking it over. Tonight I realized you think I should suck it up and ignore what happened. Tonight I realized you're a huge jerk.

There is a limit to how far you can push me and that's pretty much it. You say all of these things about how I'm so important to you, and how you love me, but you treat me like my heart is totally disposable. I hate you right now, you know that? Hate.

I'm sick of it. BURN IN SATAN'S LAIR.


What do you think - a tad strong at the end there? too much? not enough?