Hey guys... Just an fyi, my blog makes a lot more sense if you start reading it from the beginning.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Something happened...

Sometimes I think if it was just me and him, locked in a room somewhere for a good three days, it would happen. Maybe it would happen with anyone under those circumstances, I don't know.

Because sometimes there are moments. I think back on them later and I think - how can that possibly be a figment of my imagination? But apparently it was, apparently all of these little moments are, because they happen, they get into my heart, then pass me by, and it's like nothing that happens ever impacts the whole overarching theme of our relationship. Like I'm not supposed to let all of those little moments add up and get into my head. I'm just supposed to enjoy the moment and let it go and never think of it again.

I don't know how to do that. Lots of people, including my sister Kelly, tell me I should just stop being his friend, stop subjecting myself to what she calls "his bullshit." (Sorry, she's not a word mincer, that one.)

Last week when I was feeling so alone about it, and getting way too dependent on my good friends Ben and Jerry, I went over to her house and cried on her shoulder for a good hour. She thinks he wants me, but he wants me later, when he's done sowing his oats or whatever, and that I shouldn't put up with it. I should be having fun, playing the field like him, and when he sees that I'm having a little too much fun, then he'll come running, probably with a ring. (Sorry, but I love her theory. Any theory that ends with me and Seth and a ring, I like - even if it means he's being kind of a jerk right now. I don't necessarily buy it, but I like hearing it anyway. It's loads less depressing than my alternative theory - that he's just not that into me.)

But I can't take her advice. I try, but my heart isn't in it, because I don't want to play the field. I want to have a whole bunch of moments, just like the one that happened Saturday night, and string them together and make them into something I can hold onto.

On Saturday night we went to the reception together and it was so much fun. A lot of my family was there, obviously, and they were all harassing him. (They've known him forever so they're allowed to do that.) My dad kept saying things like, "Fish or cut bait young man, fish or cut bait," which was a little bit hilarious and embarrassing at the same time. Luckily Seth is used to my dad, so he thought it was funny.


My sister Beth's husband Jeff, who is creepy and gross and loud and annoying, practically forced Seth at gunpoint to say that I looked pretty, which was awkward in about twelve different ways.

Jeff was elbowing Seth like the pervert he is, saying underneath all of my baby fat who knew there was that kind of a body and saying, "She's lookin' pretty hot these days, right Seth?"

Keep in mind I'm right there, feeling totally uncomfortable that my brother-in-law is calling me hot and like LEERING at me. Gross.

I could tell Seth was uncomfortable, but he said "She's always been pretty."

Jeff said, "Good thing she didn't look that good when I married in or I would have had second thoughts about marrying her sister."

Cue Seth and I staring at him in horrified silence. Poor Beth. She married a total douchebag perv, I'm serious. Ugh.

For a while we were talking to Kelly and her husband, and Kelly passed Seth her baby (eight months old and chubby and adorable), and I'm such a stupid, typical girl because watching him hold her and play with her - if there was any progress made toward getting over him in the last couple of months it was totally wiped away in that five minute period.


Later on they were doing the first dance thing, and I didn't know why at the time, but the song they chose for their first dance was that new Carrie Underwood song, "Just a Dream." They started playing it and Seth was like, "Um.... Isn't this song about the guy dying right after they get married?" And it totally IS! It was so weird. So then we both were kind of quietly cracking up about my cousin's high expectations for her marriage, and we couldn't stop laughing.

(I found out later that my cousin and her fiancee didn't HAVE a song, so she'd just told the DJ to pick something romantic sounding and country, and that was what he chose. She was mortified.)

On the next song everyone started dancing, and we were gonna dance but the song turned out to be "Somebody Knows You Now," which is about a woman who leaves her husband, so then we were both cracking up all over again. Either the DJ was totally clueless or he was her ex-boyfriend, I don't know. Seth started making jokes about what songs they'd play at their anniversary party. It wasn't romantic, but it was really funny, and we were having such a good time.

They started playing that Jason Mraz song, "I'm Yours" (sorry, this isn't supposed to be about the songs, they're just totally relevant to what happened), and Seth was all, "FINALLY - not country and not about a tragic break-up, come dance with me," so we did.

It was a really hard song to dance to. It's almost like jamaican or something. We kept tripping over each other and not being able to get the rhythm right and we were still laughing. He was smiling down at me with his whole face, his very happiest Seth smile - the one that reaches all the way up to his eyes, and I blurted out, "I adore you, you know that, right?"

The expression on his face totally changed and this is the part where my internal dialogue got stuck on ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh, because he suddenly pulled me closer. Way closer. Like serious pre-makeout closer. He started all tentatively looking into my eyes and stroking my hand and at first I was so scared to look at him and not-quite-believing-it-was-happening that I couldn't even sustain eye contact. When I finally managed to look up at him, my heart racing about a thousand miles a minute (I'm seriously lucky I didn't have some kind of attack), we totally achieved eye-lock. He was giving me the softest look - I can't even describe it except to say that it was only through sheer force of will that I didn't pass out.

He murmured my name like he was gonna ask me something and I said "yeah?" all faintly and eloquently, but then he never got around to saying anything else because he was doing that fair-warning-I'm-totally-going-to-kiss-you thing where he kept looking at my lips and sort of incrementally inching his head closer to mine.

I almost started hyperventilating. I think I was probably staring up at him like some kind of grade-schooler with a crush. (Actually I know I was because my sister told me I was. She said I looked like I was terrified and about to throw up. Charming. But she also said he looked drugged, so I guess it doesn't matter that I looked nauseous.)

Then a faster song came on, that song Love is a Beautiful Thing by Phil Vassar, which I normally love because it's so happy and cheerful, but it lightened the mood and it was like coming out of a fog or something and we stopped dancing. I totally hate Phil Vassar now. Jerk.

I've (obviously) been thinking about this ever since. I can't even write coherently about it. I know this is all disjointed and nutty but I'm excited and upset and sick to my stomach because - I didn't imagine it. Proof. I have proof. Outside non-imaginary confirmation from multiple sources. Proof that he feels something for me, even if it was just passing attraction - because he was looking at me like - like he was longing to kiss me right there in front of everyone. Longing. There was longing.

OH MY GOSH THERE WAS LONGING.

I'm not crazy. That's a huge relief. I'm not imagining this. I'm not crazy. He cares about me. Why he has a girlfriend, I don't know, but one thing at a time I guess.

I know I'm getting carried away. I can't help it.

He kept his distance for the rest of the night, and when he dropped me off he didn't even walk me to the door and he practically burned rubber peeling out.

Today at church he completely ignored me, but I couldn't even muster up a tiny little bit of irritation.

I don't know what's going on in his head, but I almost don't care because the thing that is totally undeniable about it is that something is going on in his head. Something is happening. Something is happening! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!

Now I just have to - not screw it all up somehow. Knowing me, that'll be a trick.

OK, so - just this once - COMMENTS ARE OPEN. (If there's anyone even still reading after stopping and starting and accidentally going private and going unprivate and - well, you get the idea. I figure I'm so happy right now, even if people tell me I'm dumb or clueless or imaginary, it can't even come close to hurting my feelings. :)

113 comments:

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

oh my goodness, I'm sure I will be one of 4,279 comments, but for what it's worth, enjoy the ride! I have so been there before and I have volumes and volumes of my journal trying to figure out if he liked me the way I thought he might and why didn't he just do something about it and maybe I'm a freak of nature. Anyway, it will all work itself out in time -really- and enjoy the highs on the roller coaster while you can. When, or if, it goes back down, remember the highs will come again and try not to eat too much ice cream in the meantime. :) So fun to follow your story and remember all the drama-- it's totally normal.

onehm said...

Seriously so excited that you opened the comments, because I am LOVING your posts. You are saying all the things that girls have felt in the past, or are feeling right now about someone!
Enjoy it! I'm really excited for you and I hope that everything works out just like a fairy tale for you!!

Diet Coke and Zingers said...

Love the read... So glad you're back. Love Seth too. How are you planning to invite ALL of us to the wedding?? After all, I think we have are right to be there too!!

sue q said...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I can't believe I got on here before the other 4,278 commenters have a chance, but I was holding my breath for the whole thing....and I'm still going to be holding my breath for you (figuratively, of course) until we hear WHAT THE HECK IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THIS GUY???!!!! Will he get a clue? Will he dump his girlfriend? WILL HE COME TO HIS SENSES???!!!

This is better than prime time, you realize that, don't you?

And whatever happens...can I make your wedding dress?

Shannon said...

Oh wow, I am so excited to be able to leave you a comment!! That is really exciting about the interaction at the wedding reception, he is at least a little bit smitten-so obvious!

Cordy, thank you so much for sharing this whole anguishing, exciting journey with us. I know its hard to put it all out there but we are so thankful you do!

collette said...

WOW... I think I'm almost as excited as you are! Be patient, but yes... I definitely think that there is something there. Just be yourself, be honest, be patient, and enjoy the ride. It's been so much fun following your story. Thanks for sharing it with us. Hopefully he's your Prince Charming and the two of you will be living happily ever after one day!

Kristi said...

Hey, I found your blog off of Naval Gazing at It's Finest two weeks ago. My husband and I are convinced that Seth is really into you...as more than a friend...even though he has a girlfriend. And this post cinches it. Before I got married, I was so clueless about various guys who liked me. After I got married, my husband was flabbergasted that I didn't see it. You seem to see the signs that he likes you, but then you discount them, and take him at face value. My brother dated a girl for 4 years and couldn't decide if he wanted to marry her or not. Finally he chose more schooling over her. (I still don't know why he couldn't have done both.) Anyway, a month after he left, he returned with a ring, but she was already taken. Point is, chances are if you can somehow get out of his life, he'll miss you, realize what he has with you, and want you back for good--but not just as a friend. This strategy is still a bit risky for my book. My husband says you should just flat out communicate with Seth and let the relationship happen. Obviously, Teresa isn't as serious to him as you are. I would totally have his mom help you out with this. Seriously, if there's anything I ever learned in relationships, good communication is the key to success. I totally see it happening if you and Seth can just be honest with each other. He told you he loves you. He's been there for you so many times. He's a bit clueless as far as your feelings go about him b/c you haven't been upfront with him about it. Sorry this comment is so long. It's the first time we've ever seen you allow comments, and every time we read your blog we just want to tell you to be honest with Seth because he loves you and wants you, too! He was about to kiss you at the reception. Now he maybe feels awkward b/c he has a girlfriend, but his feelings obviously sway very much in your favor. You have significant history with him. Oh,I have bad news for you. If he winds up marrying someone else, you will be out of his life. No wife will want her husband to be hanging on to a female friend with as much history and as strong of a bond as you and Seth have. So go for it! We're rooting for you. Good luck!

angie said...

Oh finally! When you posted that you weren't going to write any more I SCREAMED at my computer, I am so glad you are! Thank goodness!

Ok, ok, so um...now I don't know what to tell you! Before I was going to say, ugh, unrequited love sucks, I have been there and honestly, almost 15 years later it still hurts a bit. More than a bit. BUT! What you described, there really is something there on his part. I will tell you how I screwed mine up so maybe you can learn through my horrible mistake. I thought the ball was in his court after I told him how I felt (through an inscription in a book I gave him). And I waited. And he called. And I didn't call him back. I wanted him to make an effort. And he called where I worked. And I still didn't call him back. (I know, I am an idiot.) And that is it. I went away for the summer, came back, and he was gone. Looking back, I don't know if he really was the right one for me, I think probably not, but it was so painful. So hang in there. Do things for yourself. In the end, we need to be happy with ourselves first. I can say that now, I am not sure I would have taken that advice back then.

Anonymous said...

So happy for you!!!!! Just checked your site again and so glad you kept going. Try and be cool, relax and be yourself.

Molly W. said...

Sounds like there is SOMETHING there to me!

Meet The Thompson's said...

What a fabulous moment! i wouldnt want to analysis from my perspective because i wouldnt want to ruin it ..... but i wish you the BEST OF LUCK... I hope you have more!!

LisAway said...

Oh, hooray!! About the comment opening, but MOSTLY HOOOOOORAAAAAY for you!! My heart was beating maybe half as fast as yours was while I read (that's still way faster than normal, of course!)

Please-oh-please don't let this be one of those little things that you're forced to try to forget. It's not little! I dated my now husband off and on and had so many of those kind of hopeful moments when we weren't dating. Finally I called it quits and moved away (I was an emotional wreck).

We're married now, you know. I hope you won't have to move away to reach your happily ever after!

Wendyburd1 said...

Cordy I am SO proud of you!! Thank you for letting us COMMENT!! That sounds like a TOTAL MOMENT!! And you have eye witnesses! He so feels something too! He might have just figured it out (stupid boys), but it is SO obvious! He finally saw you in "a new light", like someone just struck him with lightning and he was like "hey...Cordy is my BFF and could be SO much more"!!

This is so great! It isn't one-sided anything anymore. Because he felt the spark too! You are NOT crazy and I never thought you were!You are amazing, serious! Why do you think I have emailed you?! You are crazy brave, and I am (I know I am pathetic) crazy excited for you!!

And him ignoring you in church...that is SO a boy thing!! Like a grade school boy thing, but SO boy-like!! He can't wrap his head around his own feelings!!Yay!

I LOVE your blog, you paint images with words SO well, it's like I am seeing it unfold first hand. How are things with the roomies?

the dragonfly said...

I've so enjoyed following your story on your blog! Like nearly everyone else, I've been there before...I don't think you're dumb or clueless, I think you're brave! Thanks for sharing with us. :)

Dal, Hel & Bel said...

I totally have butterflies in my tummy for you! And thanks for letting me comment!

JB said...

First of all, thank you, again, for putting out there all the exact same thoughts I've had over the years. Paragraphs 1-3 are like poetry to me.

Second, I am so happy for you and that beautiful moment. It's yours and it is yours forever. No matter what happens now, no one can take that away.

And finally, not that I really know anything, but pretending that I do, I'd say that Seth has a lot going on in his head right now. He maybe needs some time to sort those things out. Just let him be, and try not to trip over your excitement. Patience. Everything will fall into place. I, and the rest of the universe, am cheering for you.

Amber said...

O My GOSH! Yay! I'm so happy for you! Just think when this all works out (and I really think it will) you'll have all these romantic "almosts" to remember! Ew on your bro-in-law gf! What a grode-bag! I love that Seth is into songs and their meanings. That speaks volumes for him. Congratutations! If on nothing else than a way awesome night :)

Jen said...

Sure love your story. I get excited for an update when I see one in my reader. Glad to hear you had a good moment and I hope for many more for you! :)

Sarah said...

I think you just need to have it out with him. If he does have some inkling of other feelings for you, he is being incredibly unfair to his current girlfriend and to you. He is quite possibly very confused but if you lay it all out - your REAL feelings, not this 'crush' silliness you chickened out with before - and give him time to think about it, at least you will have a resolution.
I agree with steph that what you are going through is normal. Enjoy the ride, but don't hang your life up while you wait for HIM to decide YOUR future.

Anonymous said...

Yayayayayay for you! Oh my gosh, how many, many, MANY of us have gone through this story?! And I am one of those that chose to walk away, and though I am married with children to another wonderful man, I still wonder what could have been. I love that you are staying put, don't give up! If he is the one you want, then don't give up!

Becky said...

Yeah! What a great night for you! Maybe it was the brick upside the head he needed. Sounds like all you may need is time and patience.

Kristin F. said...

I just wanted you to know that you totally made my day this morning :). I love following your story... finding the perfect man is hard work! Good luck and I can't wait to see what happens next.

ohblogthis said...

Do you know why I adore reading your blog? I remember being there. I may be a 30-cough-something year old now, but I remember being in your shoes. I'm glad you are blogging about it. And letting some of us remember our own 'way back when' through you. For what it's worth... I ended up married to my friend. It's true! I'm rooting for you... even if I'm a pretend online friend! :-)

Thora said...

Yeah, rereading my journals is like this too. I'm only the second comment, and I'm sure there will be tons. Normally I think for awhile about comments I make, but I'm just going to go ahead and comment anyway.

Whew, do I write to much. Anywho, that sounds like it was a great reception, and I think Seth said the perfect response to your BIL awkward comments.

I'm sure lots and lots people tell you this, because it's true, but remember that overall you're as good as Seth. I mean that, frankly he should be lucky if he manages to end up with you. That you have a lot of good qualities, and whomever you end up with, hopefully Seth but whomever, that they will be getting the most awesome deal of their life. I guess I'm saying this just in case you feel not good enough for him, or because he hasn't tried to date you yet that you're not what he wants, so that must equal not good enough for his image of a wife.

I think the truth is, he's not ready to face a real, going somewhere relationship, which he knows would happen with you. You're sister is right, I think. He's trying to sow his oats.

Anyway, now that I've given you advice when I live in a different state and you'll never meet me. I'm full of advice for everyone, I guess.

Becky and Jaron Brunson Family said...

I LOVE your blog! I think every girl has gone through this in one way or another and that's what keeps us hanging on. Plus, you are hilariously entertaining. I love your writing style. At the risk of sounding dorky, I'm going to tell you that you should seriously think of writing a book - same funky, journal-type, brutally honest style. WE LOVE IT!!

Robin and Don said...

I just found your blog about 4 days ago and have had to check in on it every day since. I have to say first, I feel as I am reading about my former self. I find as I read your blog that I want to yell into the computer screen, like it is a time machine, and give myself the advice and knowledge that only the future holds. I too had a guy just like Seth for about five years. I am now married, happily, but not with Mr. Five Year Saga. (Mr. Saga and I have kept in touch over the years and remain friends but from a distance.) Falling in love is the most dangerous thing I think we do as adults. It is the most rewarding and gratifying but also the most painful experience and ultimate choice we make in life. I could give you advice but what is the real point? You still have to experience it all for yourself. One day you will look back on this time and almost miss these moments. (I think that's why we have chick flicks so we can fall in love all over again, and a again.) Until then, as they say, "buckle up and enjoy the ride"!

LCFrohm said...

I KNEW IT! I just knew it would happen! He couldn't be so clueless and BLIND to not have feelings for you.
I am BEYOND giddy right now for you. I can't wait for further details and goings on.
Please, for the love of all things good and holy, don't screw this up! (to both you and Seth...) Ya'll have that cloesness and friendship that some couples (a-hem!) start their marriage only dreaming about.
CONGRATS! Glad it was visually verified by multiple sources! You can tell all the haters to SUCK IT!

Anonymous said...

I just want you to enjoy this! enjoy the thrill and the feelings and the whatifs and the excitement!

you are not crazy. you are not. it is real. you are not reading into it... even if he never dislodges his head, this moment? something you can remember forever- hold on to it and don't let it get tainted by anything else- not internet comments, not self doubts, nothing. just enjoy it.

Michelle said...

How exciting! I say that everything will work out, too, no matter how it happens. But in the meantime, it sounds like you had an exciting time on Saturday. And he is definitely thinking things over. (And thank you for starting up again - I am totally following your story and my husband thinks I'm ridiculous. What can I say? I love a good love story!)

Cheryl said...

LOVE this story. I'm so totally rooting for you. I can remember a guy or 2 in high school that I went throught this with. Thinking about it now, 20 years later, still makes my heart flip. Hang in there. He's totally into you!

SaraDru said...

You are adorable and I really hope this works out for you.

moxdon said...

I got chills when I was reading about "the moment" and I wish I would've been there...well not the whole heartache part, but for that moment because it sounds like it was nearly perfect!
I am so happy to finally be able to comment!
Good Luck and post a lot because I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next.

{the sturgills} said...

I skimmed so quick the first time and have re-read it a million times. In no way, shape or form are you imagining anything. Wow. This post was like... better than any Nicholas Sparks book - thanks for making my morning!!! :) I don't even know what to say except this made me so so happy. I am totally pulling for you and hope you get the happiness you deserve (in the form of Seth).

Amberlee said...

I am SO happy for you. From everything that I've read I feel like he loves you too, but maybe he hasn't realized it yet. I think that he would come running if you ever started dating someone else seriously. Good luck with everything. Can't wait to hear more. And we're all so glad you decided to come back!

Elise said...

Thanks for the very well written insight into your head. It's been fun to read even though we don't know if it's going to end happily-ever-after-ish. I hope so!

TJ said...

I just died a little hoping for you. That totally sounds like something. I really, really want it to be something. Thanks for letting us comment.

heather said...

oh my gosh. I TOTALLY love reading you. I love it! And my heart breaks and then jumps and then breaks... Really, really... I'm totally not surprised. I think he really is into you -and there just might be total validity to your sister's theory.

And it makes sense that he couldn't walk you to the door, because then he would have HAD to kiss you and he has a girlfriend and he isn't a cheater, so now he has to sort things out in his head. But she's just a girl, and you are the girl. Hold on darlin'! Whichever way the chips fall there is happiness ahead.

Please, please keep writing. I really want to know what happens with all this. I pray for you, did you know?

There is such a thing as Happily Ever After.

Emily said...

I am so glad you have this venue to process everything (and it's workin gout GREAT for us readers - it's better than fiction! You really could make it into a book someday and be wildly successful). I too remember moments and situations like this that still make make heart flip. Some were with a friend that was never more than a friend (inspite of "moments") and some were with the friend that is now my best friend and eternal companion. The Lord has a plan for you. Be prayerful and hang in there!

suzanne said...

i love your romance! i don't think it's hopeless either. the perfect ending will be when YOU KISS HIM. it will be a great story for your kids too...

Rachel said...

So glad you're back! I missed the posts for a bit there....and I love your story and your story-telling.

Emily said...

It's no big surprise that I am hooked on your blog. I am a sucker for a good love story! I keep reminding myself that this is really happening to someone somewhere and is not fiction (I hope). When I forget, I start comparing it to fictional stories. I caught myself thinking of Twilight with Bella and Jacob, and how Bella (Seth) realized it was selfish to crave time with a friend who felt more than friendship in return. More though, I think of Made of Honor (it's not really a good movie, but I hope your ending is the same). The best friend guy doesn't realize he is in love with the girl until they are out of contact for awhile and he realizes it is her he wanted all along.
Anyway, there are my (pathetic) fictional comparisons. I know your real story will REALLY work out!

bon said...

Yup! Like everyone else has said... you have this moment and this night and no one can take it away.

But again, like so many have said before... do not put your life on hold for this man. If it's supposed to be, you cannot mess it up except with too much messing.

bon said...

...and thank heavens you are posting again, My Super Hopeless Romance fix!

Becky said...

I hate to admit this, but when I first started reading your blog, I kept thinking, good grief, enough with all the drama already!! But then I thought about my college years and realized I had all that drama and more. :)

I hope the light bulb comes on for Seth soon, cuz if he's not totally into you (which I suspect he is) then he needs a good swift kick in the behind.

kat said...

i just love you, cordy. and i hope, sooner than later, you'll be hearing that from seths lips too. you might feel like you're flailing around out there but i promise you, seth is too.

p.s. i'm totally trying to be one of those newfangled "followers" but keep getting the doomed *page cannot be found*

snap.

big, big hugs!!

Hanna said...

i am so excited about this!!! he likes you. that is all

Lydia said...

Hey, what's Teresa like - is she kind of marginally slutty? Because maybe he's just dating really slutty girls until he's ready to settle down.

You are obviously VERY Molly and he obviously respects you, so maybe that's why he's dating other girls. Honestly, its the thing that makes the most sense to me out of all of it. Girls you date and girls you marry - that whole thing. Which maybe should give YOU second thoughts about HIS character, but then again, people are human. And guys are horndogs.

If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to date other boys, but then again, Seth sounds so adorable that if it were ME (and not my daughter)? I'd totally wait for him to come around too. Just make sure you date other boys while you're waiting.

Willis Family said...

I love that you have opened comments for this one. What a great story! I love following it. This particular post made me so happy for you! Thanks for coming back and not abandoning all of us who follow you. I really hope that everything works out, and that you end up the happiest person ever.

tammy said...

My heart was pounding as hard as I'm sure yours was!! Thanks for not stopping your blog. I totally panicked when I thought I may never know how your story turns out. I really hope that Seth realizes you are his one true love, like we all know. And I so want an invite to the wedding!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, reading your blog is like reliving a very painful relationship for me. It does not make me excited for you like some commenters, but just reminds me of the daily torture this kind of 'friendship' brings. The highs so good the lows so bad.

I had to cut off all contact eventually because it was too too hard. I know it sounds like something heartbreaking - but if you decide to take yourself out of his life #1) you get control back (not that being in control of a relationship is important, but right now he has complete control over you and your emotions) and #2) you will see what he will do. Will he wake up and realize what an idiot he has been? If not, his loss and you WILL find someone way more better suited to you than him (hard to imagine now, I know - but the Right One is out there, maybe it is Seth).

And finally #3): Cutting off contact will mean that he has to take initiative, be proactive and come after you. This will help if things work out and you two get married - because we all know marriage isn't 'the end' but 'the beginning.' Do you want a husband that needs 5 years to figure something out? Who needs you leading him around helping him make decisions because he can't make his mind up? Someone who doesn't get it!!!!????

Just some things to think about.

Good luck with this all - glad you are keeping us all entertained, sorry you have to go through it - hoping for a VERY HAPPY Beginning for you two!

Em said...

Hey Cordy!

My heart just fell last week when you told us you weren't going to write anymore. And yet I only found your blog 2 weeks ago. Why is it that we all feel so invested in you, in this? We want happiness for you- no matter if it's with Seth or some other fantastic guy out there.

And quite honestly, I so hate romance. You know- chick flicks, PDA, yada, yada. Gag. And yet I love the way you, your writing, connects with us. It's real. I'm so rooting for you. Yay for coming back and now for letting us comment!

I think about you- it's too cool that things are playing out at this very moment.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that you are back to writing! Your blog is a highlight for me everyday! I think all girls have gone through this at one point in time in their life! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! You must just have patiences, he will get on the bandwagon of Cordy just like we did!!

Courtney said...

I can't tell you how much I love reading your blog! Hang in there - you're a catch!

Anonymous said...

have a Define The Relationship talk. (DTR)

Anonymous said...

I love that when this all started getting crazy you started running again! What an inspiration to the rest of us to let it out through our sneakers!!!!

Mommy to 2 said...

I found your story 2 weeks ago and have been hooked since. I about cried when you said you were done, then I checked back, hoping it was just my imagination, and you were back!

I'm totally rooting for you! Remember that things work out in His time, not ours, so be ready when the time is right for you.

Seth will come around. Sometimes I think the longer boys are home from their mish, the weirder they become. He's just being weird. I wish guys didn't do that!

Jackie said...

holy crap girl--55 comments that is like a dream of mine for my blog! Anyway girl--go for it! You are you and he obviously likes you so "YOU" can't screw it up! Live life--As an old lady, who had many a broken heart over the years, and ended up with my Knight in Shining Armor---you deserve the best and never--never be afraid to go for what a true princess deserves!

JustRandi said...

Well, I'm a new reader, and I have to say I love your blog!
There was definitely something there. The trick will be to let it happen - not force it. You were so smart at church yesterday. Great Job!!

ST said...

OH MY GOSH! I'm so happy for you Cordy! I found your blog a few weeks ago and have checked it almost religiously. Seth totally has something for you.

I love your blog so much. You totally say everything I wanted to say when I was dating. I'm hooked.

YOU ROCK!

Manda said...

Oh my gosh can I just tell you how much my sister and I love your blog! The first time you took it down we were really sad! But we kept checking just in case you would change your mind...and when she called me to tell me it was up again we were sooo giddy!! Then you accidentally made it private and we just about died again! So this morning she called and my first thought was "Does that mean she changed it to public again?" And you did and we were sooo excited!!! So, thank you for coming back and for putting your private life out there for the whole world to see!! I can imagine it's not easy...I don't even like talking about this kind of stuff to my family/friends let alone random people :) But then again maybe it'd be easier because they don't know you and they probably never will! That is one benefit.
I just want to tell you I'm happy for you because it's moments like the one you had that make you want to keep going and not give up hope. But then again it also makes it harder IF down the road nothing ever works out. But it is obvious that he has feelings for you...he's just trying to figure out what exactly they are I think :)
So don't give up hope yet. And I'm praying that it all works out like it's supposed to!! Keep up the GREAT writing :D I love your blog!!!

Aprillium said...

YIPPY!!!!!

Ok, that word isn't big enough for how I ment it to come acrossed!

I'm so glad something is happening. Hopefully he;s finally coming out of his fog and realizing what a wonderful girl he has RIGHT THERE... that has been there ALL ALONG!

:D You know I love ya!

Anonymous said...

Love you blog- it give me a stomachache sometimes. That is a good blog. I think you need to go on a trip. I broke up with my then-boyfriend, (now-husband) because I really thought it was not going anywhere. And, I went on a long trip. I thought about him constantly. CONSTANTLY. And, I called him a few times and was floored that he was pretty over me. It made me re-think my decision and then we were able to work out the things that were not working before. So, you go on a trip- remove yourself from the situation and give him time to THINK. You could come to my house :).

1outof3 said...

I love your blog-I am so glad you are back! And it sounds like good things are happening in your Super Romance. Just be patient and good luck!

Whitney R said...

I'm a follower. I have been wanting to send you an email but haven't done it yet.

I'm glad you opened comments.

I have read everysingle one of your posts and I have cried and smiled and laughed.

I don't think you are making this up. And I can completely empathize what you are feeling. I'm married now, but I got over my best friend - only becuase he moved and then kind became a jerk and then was nice again.

I'm 100% happy.

I am also very happy at your experience and teared up. I really do think he loves you, too. I think he is just barely realizing that that is what he feels for you. And it doesn't have to be a lust filled feeling. He adores you and never wants to lose you and wants to spend every minute with you, but doesn't realize that that is what love is. Until now? :)

This is completely my opinion. I'm glad you are back and posting. Please don't leave again.

TysonandMarthaGerber said...

Wow! congrats. Just enjoy it. Don't give up on it. I'm so glad you are writing again. My husband and I are totally rooting for you. We'll send our love vibes your way!

Martha

Cyndi said...

I can't wait to hear what happens next. I'm one of those who has been there, oh have I been there, and I am praying that you get the fairytale ending.

Amber said...

OK, I know I've already commented but I'm a Cordy Junkie so I had to come back and read the other comments. See how many people love you?! You're a freakin CELEB! I just wanted to say that "michelle" nailed it...this IS a love story! That's why I'm (and so many others, obviously) so addicted to it! My husband thinks I'm pathetic but OH WELL!!!

Cameo said...

Girl, write a book. WRITE A BOOK. I will read it and tell all my friends to read it too. If you can write this well on a blog, where you're all excited and rambling and hardly even trying, I can't even imagine what you could write if you put your mind to it.

I mean - you work in publishing! Show somebody at work your blog and get yourself a book deal.

Seriously. I can't wait to read it.

Brillig said...

YAY YAY YAY! You opened the comments!!! Okay, wow, now that you've opened comments, I feel all this pressure to say something brilliant and... crap. Nothing brilliant is coming to mind. Except that I love your blog and your whole saga and PLEASE open comments more often and... well.. I guess that's all.

Lauren said...

I'm glad you put up new posts often because otherwise I would go INSANE! I love this blog and I have my fingers crossed for you. It seems like he's interested, but sometimes guys are just stupid. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

You are a doll. What woman hasn't gone through this? Reading this really takes me back. There will always be that one boy. I really hope it works out for you, and whether it does or not, I hope you write a book. I'll buy it.

Mikki said...

OH gosh!!!
Number one: Thanks for opening the comments. You're going to be reading comments for days I'll bet.
Number two: thanks for not quitting. I was so disappointed when you called it quits. If anybody tells you your just making up a story here, (which I wondered once to be honest) don't even stress about it--take it as a compliment to your writing skills and imagination. Obviously it's a great story--the best ones are always because of something that happens in real life anyway.
Number 3: WAY TO GO CORDY!!! I knew the boy was interested in more than just friendship here. He's a guy--they get confused easily.
I agree with everyone else here who say to enjoy the ride. These highs and lows are the most exciting part of romance. You wouldn't know the sweet without the bitter.
Also, the other bit of advice that I think is like #1 in importance--live for yourself. Do the stuff that makes YOU happy, that improves YOU as a human being. Everything else will fall in place.
You ought to just grab him the next time you're alone together and lay one on him!!!

Camilla said...

i was totally going to read all the comments before i posted but then i feared you would close the comments before i finnished. so sorry if this has been said like 50 times.

I love your blog. It totally brings be back to the days of dating. ( i have been married 5 years now) anyways i had a best friend that i loved and he married someone else. I figure you got to put yourself out there and do all you can or you will have too many what ifs down the line. I am so glad that you told him you adore him and obviously he was feeling something too. which probably freaked him out! now he is trying to decide if he is ready to marry you because its not like he can say oh ya i love you too and come to think of it we have been best friends for so long i know everything about you so lets still date for two years. i mean he knows if he persues you its going pretty quick to a marriage. and that scares most men. So i think he is scared to talk to you becuse he worried about how strong he Does feel.

Anyways i think you should do and say everyting you want to becuase you dont want him to marry his girlfriend and then just wonder about it forever. SOOOOoooo I say next time he is staring at you all dreamy eyed and inching closer lean in already and get the kiss going!! you never know, he might realize how much he is attracted to you in a non- justmybestfriend kind of way!

ps love the blog and almost died when you went private for a moment! dont leave us all hanging!!

Jami said...

Step 35: Now that you've struck him with some pheromone therapy, next you must arrange to go some place far, far away for some reasonable legit reason. Then a) you hire highway robbers or b) you sabotage his car so that it breaks down on a deserted country road.

Because you are right: what you two need is some alone time. Not making out. Just with no one staring at you applying pressure. No family. No roommates. No church friends. Just you two. Alone. At the lake or on a hike or at a museum. At Disneyland. Wherever. Just no one you know hanging out providing non-stop commentary.

hayngrl101 said...

I am so pleased you opened comments and PLEASE PLEASE keep them open!! I love your blog, love reading your story. I am soo routing for you. I agree with his mom and the general consensus that he loves you, but just hasn't figured it out yet. Dumb boys, anyway. I agree with Jami- you two need some time away from everyone and everything so you can talk things out... hmm. Maybe you ought to make a date for a session at the Temple h aha. Good luck, can't wait to see what happens next.

hayngrl101 said...

Oh, and here's another thought I had. Okay, so he totally knows how you feel... so knowing that you have feelings, why would he get all LONGING on you...? Yep, I think I'm pretty much convinced.

Anonymous said...

This is the greatest blog in existence and I can't wait to read it every day!

lanie said...

I'm sure you don't need any more comments by now, but just wanted to say that I love reading your blog - found it from Navel Gazing.

I've wanted to email a few times, so I'm really glad you opened up for comments. In reading your blog, I've felt for a long time that there were clues that Seth was interested in you. Especially when you were helping him with his paper - the way he interacted with you; those were definite clues. He's obviously interested, but I think he's still trying to figure things out as far as what he wants. Contrary to some other comments, I don't think you should have a DTR or lay it all out in the open for him. He knows that you have feelings for him, so I don't think you need to declare your undying love. Since he's trying to figure things out, that would just make him feel pressure and he would run. (boys get freaked out like that)

Just be yourself, keep being friends with him, and give him time to make up his mind. Don't try to force it. But don't sit around waiting either - let yourself enjoy other dates in the meantime. I think he'll realize how great you are and that he wants to pursue more than a friendship. And if it doesn't work out with him in the end, you're a pretty awesome girl who will have that happy ending with someone you absolutely adore. Hang in there! We've all been there - and we're all pulling for you.

Katrina said...

Oh my gosh! First, I'm so glad you are posting again! I was totally bummed (although understanding) when you stopped. I was so excited to see you are back. Second, Thanks for opening comments! Third, Wow! Things ARE happening! I think a serious heart to heart is in order with Seth, however that happens. Oh, I'm rooting for you! I really hope Seth comes to his senses and realizes he is in love with you!

emily said...

You have to tell him. Has anyone ever told you that? YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM! What if he thinks he'll ruin your friendship by kissing you? What if he's scared?

Anna said...

I about had a heart attack when it looked like the blog had gone private...I'm so glad you're back! Don't stop writing...we're all dying to find out what happens next!

This would make an excellent book by the way...just sayin'.

Kristi B. said...

yeah, it looks like he's smitten. But I still think he takes you for granted and will continue to do so until you take control.

Kristi B. said...

I already tried to leave a comment, but it didn't show up. Feel free to delete this if you already got it.

So. I agree that it seems there are more that "just friends" feelings on his side. But I also think he takes you for granted and will continue to do so until you take control of your life and tell him he can't have it both ways.

And also...just food for thought: 23 is NOT old, and Seth and Chris are not your only options.

Cyd said...

I just wanted to tell you I'm very happy you came back to keep posting - I have no advice at all, but I hope you keep writing no matter what!

Oh, and that Seth WAKES UP already!

Hanna Terrill said...

Okay let me just tell you that not only are your posts my newest guilty pleasures, but I haven't been this excited over a blog in forever. You seriously need to publish this. So many girls can relate to this story and I think that is why you are all the rage!

My thoughts on the whole Seth thing are, I think that he wants you to always want him. He hates it when you are dating, and can't stand the thought of you not liking him. He wants to date around and have his fun but wants you to always be there for him for security. I really think your sister hit the nail on the head with this one. Don't put up with his crap. Date around, have fun, and hopefully it will make him realize that he has the best girl right in front of him. Maybe that's just it, Maybe he knows your the best, but also knows that you will always be there. I think that you should give cowboy a chance. I know that your heart isn't fully in it with him, but he's not playing games. Okay I just went off and have no idea how I came across. Please know that I am totally on your side and hope that Seth comes to his senses. I also think life is too short to play games. Let him know how you feel at all times ( without sounding desperate). That way you wont have any regrets!

I can't wait for more...my husband thinks I am such a DORK but your posts are like those liitle round cheese puffs, I can't get enough!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I had this exact type of relationship once. Looking back now I realize how selfish and into himself, yet insecure he was. He wanted a cheerleader who would praise him and cheer him on. Every time I started to get my own life, he would drag me back in again. He broke my heart over and over again. I got married while he was on his mission, and he got married right after he got back. However, they divorced a year later. Later and I found out that he was gay. It all made more sense. I think that a lot of times gay guys will flirt and date a lot because they don't want anyone to know. But that's also why they won't ever commit. The best thing you can do is see this guy for what he really is--someone using you for his own gratification, and preventing you from being with someone who is head over heels over you and would never let you go around agonizing over how he really feels about you.

alotalot said...

I agree with your sis on the "Sowing oats" thing. This is definitely a "moment" though.

Boys are so confusing.

wonder woman said...

Um, ignore that last comment. No, it wasn't from me, but I don't think Seth is gay.

I just have to say my heart was pounding as I red this! Your BIL is a perv, but Seth was sweet. And when you said "I adore you," I GASPED!! And that moment between you.......I totally felt it. Hope that doesn't freak you out. =D

I love coming and reading about your "super hopeless romance" that might not be so hopeless. I, like all your other readers almost cried when you went private, and am glad your back.

And while it's easy to feel like I'm watching a romantic comedy I think I know the end to, this is real. I do NOT think you're a bored housewife making it up or whatever the other theories are. But for purely selfish reasons, I'm glad you're recording this all for us. (And I LOVE the way you write. It's perfect.)

Good luck, girl. I hope you can be friends with Chris and can get along with your roommates and MARRY SETH. You know we all want that for you!! For what it's worth, I think your sister's right. Your story will end (BEGIN!!) with a ring.

AAHHHHH I'm so excited to finally comment on your blog I can't stop myself!!!! And EIGHTY-SEVEN comments?!?!? I could never DREAM of so many!!!

Kimberly said...

I'm not going to take the time to read the other 87 comments and see what they said, just going to say what popped in my head:

So. So. So not your imagination.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your blog! And for all the same reasons as everyone else, I have SO been there! Short version, he was a total player, with EVERY girl but me, his friend, darn it! School, life, and all seperates us, and once I'm married with kids, I find out he's gay. I KNOW yours will turn out better than mine!;) And thanks so much for coming back, I didn't realize how invested in all this I was until I thought I'd never know how it all turned out!

April said...

Aside from creepy brother-in-law, what a beautiful story!

Ah, the almost kiss. Congrats on your restraint from throwing up!

Good luck on whatever comes next. Don't worry. Theresa won't last. She's becoming barely a blip on his radar.

Marci said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JANEAL said...

I just want to tell you I'm so glad your back! Have you seen Made of Honor? I think your story is very similar and I really think you could have the same happy ending. I'm addicted to your blog!

The Caballero's said...

What can I say that everyone hasn't already?
I had goosebumps when I read this post. I remember my own romance with my now husband. Its such an amazing time. I remember feeling so in awe that feelings that deep could be felt for one person. There were feelings of extreme dislike somedays :) and then there were the extreme loves days too. Those were always my fav!

You are so sweet and deserve every bit of happiness a man like Seth can give you.

All my love and support!

Carolyn said...

This could be my story with my husband, except it was the other way around. We'd known each other forever, and I knew he was the one, had known it since I was 17 years old, but I wasn't ready to settle down for a while so I just played around and prayed he wouldn't lose interest before I felt ready to handle getting married.

He started dating someone else kind of seriously and then, what do you know, I was suddenly ready. Funny how that works. Sometimes you just need a good kick in the rear and lets be honest, guys like the chase. Let HIM friggin chase YOU for once.

I say have the party and just have a good time. Don't be spiteful, but have fun and talk to other guys and be yourself. Don't put your life on hold. Date other people and have fun. If he loves you, there's no way he's going to be able to resist.

And also, remember what someone else said, up-thread - there are other boys in the world than Seth and Chris - you don't have to date EITHER of them. I know in the mormon world 24 might feel really old, but it's really not that old, so try not to let that affect your decisions.

Grace said...

Seriously so so so excited for you! I can't wait to hear what happens next! He so likes you! And you creepy brother-in-law needs a good kick in the pants!

Anway, so happy for you!

Superfamily said...

Oh this is such a happy day! I am so happy that you are happy, and that something is going on inside that guy's head finally. Now, go and show Teresa, that he is really falling in love with you! You are amazing and he is so in love with you, but just now is starting to realize it.
I'm here supporting you everyday!!

Robison's said...

Okay, so I have not been reading this for very long, but I can't stop. I just wish Seth would realize what he has right in front of him... Guys can be so clueless at times(most of the time).
Good luck with everything. I am hoping you get your happy ending.
To me, he seems like he really cares about you.

theeventconnection said...

He LOVES you!!! Let him make the moves, but hold on! I've been there!!! It will happen. SETH loves you. Ahhhhh!!! He loves you!

Shellie said...

COMMENT 100! Look at you go.

I agree. Let him chase you for once.

I know this isn't 1950, and we're not reading the Rules or anything, but it's true. People always want what they think they might not be able to have. Play hard to get. No, wait - BE hard to get. He really ought to have to make a little effort, you know?

Orrrrrr, you could just ignore me. It looks like you're doing pretty well on your own. :>

wondering said...

How did so many people find out about this blog if you started writing it and didn't tell anyone about it?

Cordy said...

The same way anyone finds out about any blog. I commented on other blogs, and they found me and read my blog, and some of them linked to me, and so on. Same old story.

J9 said...

Okay, honey, add me to the list of "Been there, done that" people! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog because I remember being there myself! I wish Seth had a blog so we could all see both sides of the story! (Wouldn't that be helpful for you!?) Anyway, wishing you luck and sending you a big hug all at the same time!

Camilla said...

i found out about the blog through my sister Thora's blog where she added it to her blog roll. she found out about it through a friends blog i think.. I then of course got my other sisters reading it and a couple woman from church ( including a divorced one that is ironically in love with her best friend...) word of mouth on this blog spread as fast as word of mouth on the twilight books. everyone loves a good romance!

Stephanie Kay Moore said...

I love your blog and I love your life story. Don't let anything take away from your moments of happiness because ten years from now you'll appreciate every single second of these memories, no matter the outcome!

Barbaloot said...

I'm just excited I finally get to comment!!!
I'm glad your family was there to back you up that there's something. As always-I'll be tuning in to see what happens next...

ruth said...

I found your blog a month or so ago and now my sisters and sisters-in law are all reading it! We are all rooting for you! This is a turning point for you. Now that you know it isn't all in your head, you need to spell it out for Seth. Boys are clueless! They do NOT read minds! You have to spell it out and then WAIT for him to answer. Let the awkward silence make HIM speak! Good luck! I am so glad you are back!

Nichelle said...

I just have to say that I love, love, love your blog. I am so excited for you and Seth! I really think that he loves you but he is just confused. Your story reminds me so much of the move Made of Honor. If you haven't seen it you should!! I think that you will get your happy ending, it may just take a little time. (I know I hate waiting too) Anyways, I am so happy for you and I love your story!~

Anonymous said...

Honey, two words:

TELL HIM

Guys are simple like that. You need to tell him what it is that you want, or he's going to keep going around in circles.

So "Seth, I am totally in love with you. If you have any kind of feelings for me, and want to give this 'us' thing a shot, break up with T. I need to know if it could ever work out between us."

He is not that into her, hon. She's young and cute and fun and wants to kiss him. YOU COULD BE HIS SOUL MATE! Doesn't he deserve that, instead of fluff? Don't YOU?!

I am here to tell you that true love is worth the risks. If you don't try honesty, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW for sure what could have been...

And THAT would truly be heartbreaking.

Signed,
Married 16 years and going strong with my best friend

Annie Valentine said...

Screw this up and I'll kill you. KILL YOU.

momof8 said...

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Thank you for letting us know how things are going. So very excited for you. Please keep your blog going. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Robin and Don said...

Have we met? In a singles ward or something?!=)

Cordy said...

Robin, your comment made my heart jump like a mile, then I saw the wink. Phew.

Annie: I'm TRYING not to. But it's my specialty, you've gotta admit.

Everyone else: thank you for all the moral support and the great comments and the encouragement and the theories. They kept my brain spinning around for days. By the end of reading the comments I was all, Oh, he LOVES ME, and also he DOESN'T love me, and I should TELL HIM, but I should also NOT tell him, and also, he's GAY, but also a HORNDOG who dates SLUTS. It was a lot of information, and frankly, a little confusing. But I'm so glad you all took the time to say something and that almost everyone was nice (except the ones I deleted).

And with that, I'm closing comments.