Hey guys... Just an fyi, my blog makes a lot more sense if you start reading it from the beginning.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Speaking of screaming...

I'm so mad right now.

Hurt and mad. Mad and hurt. They're the same thing almost, aren't they?

Seth drops by all the time. It's just the way we are - if there isn't anything else to do, we hang out. He'll drop by here, I'll drop by there. It's kind of assumed we'll unexpectedly show up at least twice a week. What is not assumed is that we'll bring a date with us when we are dropping by out of the blue.

I'm sorry, but don't bring your girlfriend over here to hang out! Just don't! Date her, whatever, but don't drop by with her in tow. I'm sorry if she's not interesting enough for you to want to hang out with her solo when you just started dating, but that's your problem, not mine.

And once you’re here, you can surely find some other spot to mack on each other than on my couch, right?

Seriously, we’re watching the debate, and they start making out. My jaw dropped and I looked over at Melissa, like - am I in the Twilight Zone?

I told them to knock it off, and they did, but seemed perplexed by my outburst.

Like this is a surprise? That it’s rude to get it on in someone’s living room, when the other people are watching TV?

She was all, “What’s your problem?”

I think the shock of having to actually watch them make out, combined with the feeling that I was about to vomit, combined with the feeling that I was going to kill her, made me totally snap, and I told them "You know what? I think you should probably leave and get a room."

Seth kind of laughed, but I stood up and walked over to the door and flung it open and said, “I’m serious. Go.”

He stood up, but he was all, “Settle down, Cord.”

OH NO HE DIDN’T. “Get out.”

He patted me on the shoulder. “Look, I’m sorry. I guess that was pretty rude of us.” And then he winked at me, like we were both in on the same joke.

Holy freak. He doesn't understand why I'm upset that he's making out with a girl who is not me in my living room, right in front of me? He doesn't know how much that feels like someone just knifed me in the gut? How stupid do you have to be? How totally clueless?

Apparently, I am the best feelings hider in the freaking universe, because THE BOY HAS NO CLUE. He doesn’t get it at all.

I completely lost my mind. “Get out, get out, GET OUT!"

He was flabbergasted. I guess I don't blame him - I probably looked slightly unhinged. I think he's seen me scream at someone exactly one time in the entire time we've known each other, and I had tears in my eyes, because I am an IDIOT. His mouth was hanging open, I'm not even kidding. “Cordy – “

Get out, Seth. Now.

He stared at me for a minute then finally left, and she sauntered out after him, and I slammed the door as soon as her butt crossed the threshold.

Melissa was understandably sitting there staring at me like I’d lost my mind, then she mumbled, “I don’t even want to know how you’re gonna explain that one to him tomorrow.”

I don’t think I am. I don’t think I’m gonna try. He can wonder. Let him wonder.

Ugh.

UGH.

This is probably full of bad writing and boring parts and bad verb tenses and typos and all of that stuff that I usually try to clean up, and I'm sorry, but I don't even care right now. I'm sitting here weeping at the keyboard.

I’m so done with feeling like this.

I’M SO DONE WITH FEELING LIKE THIS.