Hey guys... Just an fyi, my blog makes a lot more sense if you start reading it from the beginning.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Today was a good day. Tomorrow I'm a little more freaked out about.

I went hiking with some friends this afternoon, and then tonight we all went to a karaoke place. It was my first time. I always thought it sounded like fun, but was something you probably needed to be drunk for. Turns out you just need to be with a bunch of people who don't give a flying flip if you're any good or not. I couldn't get up the nerve to do it on my own, so I sang a duet with Chris.

Who was there.

Because I invited him to come with us.


Yeah. I never claimed to make any sense.

It's just that with Chris there aren't all of these layers of angst, so I feel like I can be myself and have fun. It's kind of a relief.

With Seth it's all been built up in my head into this massive pile of drama and I almost can't fight through it anymore. I'm so sick to my stomach about tomorrow, and a big part of me is saying, "It shouldn't be this hard."

We were standing outside the house talking after we got back from karaoke (yes, JUST talking) and Chris asked what was going on with "my competition," meaning Seth. I told him it was complicated, and he said, "That's your whole problem right there - it's not supposed to be complicated."

Of course, if Seth were just some random guy it would be no big deal to be interested and get rejected and move on with life, but he's not. He's Seth - Seth of the history and the angst and the best friendship and it makes the whole idea of talking about it an exercise in abject terror.

I feel like calling in sick to church tomorrow. I won't, but I feel like it.